Nick “The Grip” McCabe: Dog training stock from Aotearoa, and originating from the heartland town of Fairlie, this racing kennel would be worth a bet on the quality of his mullet alone. Mongrel is what the kennels of ‘The Grip’ bring to the arena today. Years of experience fighting fires and wrestling beasts, McCabe is likely to employ down and dirty tactics to secure the win.
Wags or “The Mangu Kuri”: Black Labrador; b. 2008; 31 kgs. Big, bouncy and renowned for his vertical spring and his intelligence. Nominated multiple times for the Nobel prize in chemistry early in his career in regards to work on the development of superconductors in absolute zero temperatures, Wags gave it all up for a life in the hills chasing rabbits. The glory of a win today would make it all worthwhile.
Nancye Williams: Back in 2013 after a glory run in 2011 with winning entry Finn, but embarrassment at her other charge Katie failing get off the line in the same event, left her needing to leave the island on extended publicity tours in relation to Finn’s win and simultaneously conduct some soul searching in terms of ‘just what went wrong with racing dog Katie’. A new fitness regime including sideways star jumps and other freestyle dance moves have left Rico in the best shape of his career.
Katie the Slayer: Springer Spaniel; b. 2007; 18kgs. Be afraid, be very afraid. Slayer will be wired for a win. Short of stature and sporting the undercut, this buzzy-magnet will be hard to touch come race day. A sure bet, though bad form in the two previous years has had bookmakers in trouble.
Rico: Golden Lab; b. 2007; 34kg. This year he is focused and will come out of his kennel revealing a sleek new racing trim, having lost 4kgs since last year’s event. His lumbering gait has been remodelled at the Macquarie Island institute of technical dog racing where he has adapted a new stride, modelled on that of a gazelle, albeit with a slightly exaggerated hip wobble. Friendly to a fault, but it should be cautioned that he will swallow you whole if you smell like food.
Billy the Welshman: A newcomer to the MI racing scene, Billy has said a lot since he arrived regarding the prowess of his dog racing background (we think), but to date no one has been able to understand a word of it. Unfortunately his dogs don’t speak Welsh either and as a result pre-race training has been hampered by confusion between the commands sit and go, obviously a slight concern for backers of this kennel’s entries.
The Joker: Springer Spaniel; b. 2008; 21kgs. Joker is one of the youngest racers today and his punk attitude has caused him problems in the past. Trouble in his early days with the cops and the youth court system, Joker has rehabilitated somewhat through the revolutionary “Sit close to a penguin therapy” and now displays a coolness and spring in his step like that of his trainer. A close second to Ash in 2012, he is a hot contender on the start line.
Colin: Springer Spaniel, b.2008; 23 kgs Expected to be a strong runner but no-one is sure as to which direction that will be in. A fine bet for those who like to gamble as this rank outsider has the wheels and energy to burn. Focus is the issue that Billy has been working on this year. Possibly not expected to pass the drugs test, a cloud lies over him currently with accusations of dependency on concentrated beverages of raspberry cordial.
Kaz Fireant Andrew: Kaz has set her sights firmly back to back wins after the glory of winning the 2012 race with underdog Ash. Known to go to extreme lengths to maintain the secrecy of her training tactics, Kaz converses with her dogs at a vocal pitch far above the audible range of most humans. Conveniently, the dog team leader is running the winning dogs from the last two year’s events, a coincidence that has been labelled as “unscrupulous” by one jilted rival.
Mr Finnegan: Golden Lab; b. 2008; 36 kgs. With the gait of a giraffe and the swagger of John Wayne, Finn is a contender in 2013 and cool under pressure. Former champion in 2011, Finn was overcome by the publicity received as a result, fame which went to his head. Recovering from the embarrassment of losing to his kennel mate Ash in 2012, Finn will hopefully be more focused this year.
ASH Rainman Springer: Springer Spaniel; b. 2005; 23kgs. Ash is a misunderstood individual, a gifted genius who comes across slightly deranged at times. He studied physics at uni and now applies his knowledge of centrifugal force to the conduct of his daily constitutional. Surprisingly Ash is also the defending champion and has spent most of his time this year on a public tour speaking about his win. A lot is at stake for Ash in 2013.
Steve “Supreme Leader” Horn: Born in Invercargill he has automatic respect amongst peers due to this fact alone. This year he is back with Flaximus Prime, Frax or simply “The Flax”. It has been said through media sources for the authoritarian leader of the MIPEP state, that the supreme leader is fairly certain that Flax will win easily. Reports also mention (for general information purposes) that there is a lot of thick tussock and heavy cabbage left to be hunted out there. The odds are expected to be short on this golden lab.
Flaximus Prime: Golden Rabrador; b. 2007; 33 kgs. Despite the guide dog appearance, Flaximus has already spent time inside this year for knocking defending champ Ash’s teeth out over an altercation that was believed to have started after Ash stole food from Flax’s bowl. Watch as Flaximus transforms at the start line as he drops his friendly dog persona.
Angel “The Rat Girl” Newport: Angel has the smallest quantity of dog flesh involved in the dog racing event. A far north New Zealander, Newport displays a disarming smile, and has been prominent in the Bay 11 dog racing scene since she could handle a lead. It is believed that cohorts of the northland fraternity will be loading cash on her charge today so look for heavy fluctuations on the odds on Cody. Her secret training tool is believed to be the Arnott’s Tim Tam.
Cody: Border Terrier/Fox Terrier Cross; b. 2010; 9kg. This reassured little rat dog will tackle the largest of the competitors — he is only grumpy because ‘he cares’ is his catch-cry. Look out for this unknown quantity as a big contender come race day.
Leona “The Boss” Plaisier: The youngest Dog racing trainer on the scene across the subantarctic, The Boss is not a contender to be taken lightly. Known as the best baker of sweets and biscuits in the MIPEP team, Leona is in one tough mother with a couple of tiny dogs.
Bail: Border Terrier/Fox Terrier Cross; b. 2011; 10kg. Bail the playful, happy-go-lucky member of the rat team, he loves being shouted at and is the owner of a goldfish level memory. Bail doesn’t mind checking and rechecking the same rock stack over and over again — it’s all new country to him.Border Terrier/Fox Terrier Cross; b. 2011; 10kg. Bail the playful, happy-go-lucky member of the rat team, he loves being shouted at and is the owner of a goldfish level memory. Bail doesn’t mind checking and rechecking the same rock stack over and over again – it’s all new country to him.
Border Terrier/Fox Terrier; b. 2009; 7.5kg. Chase, has been scratched late in the build up to this race due to repeated violations of the code of racing dog conduct in the past week. Charges against Chase include unsolicited flirting and inappropriate advances on a number of the male dogs in contention for this prestigious event.