For love. For honour. For Casey station.

Watergettin' - how Casey's plumbers averted the apocalypse

As world leaders meet to discuss the perils of the climate crisis that threatens our children, and our childrens' children, it appears recent events at Casey station may signal something to the contrary.

Last week our trusty plumbers made a shocking discovery that could shake the very foundations of science. It appears that within the confines of Casey station, the ice is not retreating, but rather expanding and threatening our potable water source.

For a number of years, Caseyites have enjoyed an uninterrupted water supply, courtesy of melted ice drawn from the nearby lake by their beloved plumbers, year in, year out.

2022 was to be no different ... until said shocking discovery was made in the closing stages of September. On a routine lake transfer it was discovered that drilling implements used in seasons prior were maxing out their capabilities before striking sweet sustenance. The lake was frozen to unthinkable depths. Drinking water, alas, was beyond the range of conventional drilling methods.

However – due to the vast amount of machinery in their arsenal, our god-like plumbers had an array of options to deal with the perilous crisis at hand. First point of call was to apply the skill set of Casey's resident chainsaw magician and plumber, Terry. A solution was engineered, requiring blocks of ice to be cut from the top of the ice shelf so that the ice drill would penetrate further into the frozen depths. A gamble, but one necessary for the survival of Casey itself. Our hero would have to draw on every ounce of his resilience, whilst donning his chaps and cowboy hat, to get the job done.

Much to the dismay of the Casey population the drill, even from the revised depth, was unable to reach success, due to the paradox of global freezing.

A crisis meeting was later held, in which our crack plumbing team declared:

"I have been drilling holes in the earth for thirty years. And I have never, never, missed a depth that I have aimed for. And I am not gonna miss this one. I will make 8 feet!"

With one last chance for success, the station was notified to suspend all water-based activities, and the plumbers grabbed the latest and greatest steam-assisted vertical drilling rig to hit their depth.

President of Casey, David Buller, addressed the station:

"We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. History has previously referred to this day as 'Watergettin' '– the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of Casey, the station has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you need to know that everything that can be done will be done to prevent this disaster being called into service."

After multiple failures and setbacks, the steam drill was lowered into the Antarctic abyss, at the painstaking speed of approximately five centimetres per minute.

Pressure was building. Failure was not an option. The steam drill had penetrated beyond the depths that most sane expeditioners would be willing to go. Then at approximately 12:38 local time, Team Plumb hit their depth.

Cheers rang out across the station, and in fact across the entire continent. The Antarctic Program had been at the brink of defeat, but was saved again!