The station 'celebrity' chef tells all about life on station

A sit down with Nick Baker

Today's celebrity expeditioner is Nick "Gordon" Ramsay-Baker. A veteran of nearly 3 winters he's decided to break from the traditional blurb of his more educated workmates, instead seeking to debunk some of the more widely believed Antarctic myths and legends.

"Hi Nick. We're often told that the chef is the most important person on station. Is that true?"
"Haha, that's a good one. But yes, it certainly seems to be true. You only need to see the size of my balcony to realise I'm something of a big wheel down here. I often think about the collapse of the food chain, from the tiny krill up to the Yangtze dolphin - the largest creature to ever exist - that would occur if I forgot my bagel recipe."

"The wildlife is certainly a feature of Macquarie Island. What's your favourite animal?"
" Well, that would have to be the polar bear. Not the ruthless killers that you media types paint them as. The other day, there was one in the hydroponics hut eating all our broccoli and coriander. I threw yellow food colouring on him and he looked just like Paddington. Harmless really."

"And what about the people on the island?"
"They're really cool. Especially the eskimos. Quite often they visit station, looking to trade things. The other day I managed to secure some rare stones from the beach, which I swapped for all our satellite gear. Bargain!!"

"Have you been on many expeditions to Antarctica?"
"Dozens, I think. But so many are blurred into confusion. The best one was when I sailed with Shackleton on the Endeavour. We discovered Townsville together. Bit of a hellhole really "

"Your cold weather gear seems impressive. Do you have a favourite piece?"
"Definitely the fan heater in my room. It gets quite balmy in there. And I have a small pot of boiling pitch, in case anyone tries to climb the ladder to my balcony".

"Chefs are well known as even-tempered and fair-minded individuals. Do you ever fall out with your fellow expeditioners?"
"Never. They're all so nice and helpful. Even as I write this, our station leader is straining my stockpot and keeping the bones while the liquid goes down the drain."

"It must be a challenge to feed so many people while maintaining a healthy diet. How do you manage?"
"As long as there's tripe for the vegans and lentil curries for the carnivores, they all stay pretty fit by fighting each other. Luckily for them I learned about fad diets and lifestyle choices in the hipster cafes of Toowoomba."

"Any words for family and friends back in the 'real world'?"
"I try not to jog their memories too much. Can you imagine how my mum feels, knowing I'm hers? As for my friends, they sent me here. Even paid for my berth on the ship and my wages. Seemed very keen for me to be on my way. Such good mates. I have a balcony you know."

Cheers. (Churr?)