The story of the Sub-Optimals and what really happens in the laundry

The Sub-Optimals

If you had told me a year ago that I would be playing in the world’s biggest rock band…in Antarctica…at Casey Station…at that particular point in time, I would have told you “Ya Dreaming!” But it happened. The Sub-Optimals hit the world stage with instant success. Band members were as follows:-

Peter “Macklemore” Mackle belting out the vocals.

Natasha “Nat Attack” Behrendorff ripping it on the keyboards.

Dan “The Man” Dardha busting some beats on the drums.

And myself, Tom “Morello” Herbert shredding the guitar.

The Sub-Optimals began their Antarctic tour at Midwinter, starting with Splinters Bar - The Red Shed. It was a sellout, all 8 tickets sold immediately!

The song lineup comprised three songs which involved the use of no more than four chords, a narrow vocal range, and an easy beat. A recipe for success!

I wish I could say the fame and money that followed didn’t come at a price. Pete, after finding love, decided to split from the band - wanted to tread his own path. Natasha developed severe arthritis in her fingers. Dan, after declaring bankruptcy, released a biography “Suffering from Success” which has been the subject of multiple copyright infringements. While I am left with the memories of what was. And my photographs. Guess I will go back to being an electrician.

Maybe we can get the band back together one day…

Tom Herbert

Ex Lead Guitarist, Sub-Optimals

Three expeditioners in a band playing instruments with music stands, microphones and lights
The bright orange RV Aurora Australis on the sea reflected beautifully in the calm water
An icy wind-scoop around a rocky outcrop on the Mitchell Peninsula near Casey
Two expeditioners at the top of a rocky hill with snow and clear blue skies in the background
Two expeditioners with survival packs walking around a wind scoop near Casey on a nice summers day
The sun rising above the plateau on a crisp winters morning at Casey

Jim's Trims

RING RING, my heart skips a beat. It’s another late night call out. Looks like a code red - Mullet Removal. I move with a sense of urgency to the Laundry (AKA, the barber shop). As I open the door, I find my patient in despair. He’s famous around these parts for his Killer Mullet! I ask with a compassionate tone, “What’s the matter Tom?”

“I just can’t take the fame anymore, Jimmy. It’s gotta’ go!”

“But have you run it by Will? He won’t like it!”

“This one's off the books Jim!” He said. With clippers in hand, off came the infamous Mullet! He has since then a functioning member of society and no longer supports Collingwood. Another great success story!

Here on station we all have secondary roles. These include hydroponics, brew assistant, post master, lay surgical assistant, environmental officer, an emergency response team member and of course…barber! It’s not an easy job, but it needs to be done.

Be the sharpest tool in the shed, just like Tom. Visit Jim’s trims.

Jimmy Douglas, Casey Carpenter

Tom Herbert with mullet and attitude, wearing a singlet and holding a drink, pre-haircut
A studious Tom Herbert in the Casey library post-haircut, reading a large book and wearing glasses and a smart shirt
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