Pining for pineapple
I love pineapple on pizza! But I also love traditional, slow fermented pizza dough with a delicately crispy and chewy crust. It needs absolutely nothing more than a hand crushed San Marzano tomato sauce (no cooking), a dry mozzarella for best melt, a soft finishing cheese and a few bruised fresh basil leaves feathered on after cooking; maybe a pinch of sea salt and a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.
But to that end, if you’re going to have a dirty old 90’s style Australian (the country, not the flavour) pizza, then by all means add thickly cut processed ham, cheap tasteless cheese that has all the right goo, and loads of super sweet, tinned pineapple. Or go your hardest with lots of green capsicum and chilli flake, prawns, and again, little triangles of the hotly debated pineapple.
All of that’s fine. But on the cold Friday night on Macquarie Island in May 2026 I, as the station chef, made a stand!
I declared loudly on the menu white board that hangs above the kitchen:
"Pizza Night!
"Italian pizzas made by an adult for adults. No pineapple, no chicken"
As anyone can imagine, this was met by either fierce agreement or violent disagreement. [As a side note: I don’t have time to go into the chicken debate. I’ll just say chicken is a more precious and finite resource here].
To be clear, I wasn’t against anyone having pineapple on their pizza. I still supplied one tiny tin unopened and uncut with the word shame written on it with thick black Texta. I thought perhaps this would be enough friction to save me providing another tin. I was right.
My stand was not no pineapple on pizza ever. It was no pineapple on this pizza. It took me four days to mix, stretch, fold, knead, ferment and prove the dough. With such time invested I asked only that it be served with the minimal of distractions from the 72-hour sourdough.
This may all seem counter to a cohesive culture, but I believe culture is created by lively debate, strong beliefs, interesting opinions and bewitching ideals; and all of this needs a spark. What better way to stoke the fires of Socratic or Ciceronian debate than the ever-humble pineapple?