Thoughts of Home
To describe the passage of time is like describing an emotion. Sounds easy until you have to put it into words.
The concept of time is the acknowledgement of life and nature. The measurement of time is man’s attempt to understand and quantify his own existence within nature.
I sit here today, reflecting on my time here on station. Measuring myself and what I have done to justify my being here.
My time here will end shortly so I ask myself if I have used my time wisely. Have I done what I wanted to do? Did I even know what I wanted? I would like to think so. I knew what I was in for. I am not new and shiny. I have my dents from previous station life, both physical and emotional. I will carry them with me. They will always be part of me.
Knowing that my time on station is coming to an end is a happy thought. Wanted, expected, an end to a book series; a satisfying read with an unexpected ending. An ending with a promise of more, but not the same storyline.
I once thought 50 years was forever, I now know that 12 months is far longer.
Measuring time is for the brain, not for the heart.
I reach out to my partner, hear her thoughts, her words of waiting, listen to her scale of measuring time. I hold the dangers of counting within myself but it does not mean they are not there. No one wants to hear the things that could or have gone wrong. To give them voice is to wake the devil.
Resupply is on our minds and we plan and measure again. It is a milestone in the great Gantt Chart of yearly planning. To me it is a blip, a tick in the box, something to get done and dusted, next stop; my partners smile and her presence in my life again. We will make the effort to lose the schedule, to take the batteries out of that wall clock. We will be happy to let nature set the time scale of our lives for a while. The measuring is done.
Bill Santalab
