Amazing discovery

In startling news from Macquarie Island, fur seal researcher Dean has made an incredible discovery while searching for fur seals in mud wallows on North Head. We thank Dean for the following story of this amazing find:

A MAN FOUND ALIVE AFTER 50 YEARS STUCK IN A WALLOW

In 1959, the vessel SS Titanic II struck the reefs off of Aerial Cove.

“The seas were horrendous,” said one of the survivors, Horacio Knibbles, Chief Petty Officer on the ship.

"Unfortunately for us, Macquarie Island appeared from nowhere. I say appeared from nowhere particularly as we were sailing in the North Atlantic at the time….. and so anyways, the rest as they say is history! The seas were coming over the reef and up to twin rocks, wild and foaming like a rabid dog. Seventeen of the crew of 21 survived that day, and washed up across the rocks onto the beaches of Aerial Cove. How we survived, I never know. But fate was to play its cruel twist when we least expected it.

"We had just thanked our lucky stars, and for those of us who partake, lit up our trusty pipes (an act that unwittingly was to save our lives). Within three steps inland, all 17 of us were up to our necks in elephant seal wallow and feather bed bogs! Little did I know that this would be my home for the next 50 years! We tried and tried but couldn’t pull ourselves out, and were finally resigned to the fact that this was to be our new home. The more we struggled, the worse it got. I watched poor Angus, a fine fellow, sink below the surface never to be seen again. Thankfully for me and the other smokers, as we sank, our pipes were our lifelines. If only Angus had smoked! If only he had smoked!

"For 50 years I have lived in that bog sweet bog, not seeing the light of day, breathing through my pipe as if it were a snorkel. I thank God that I took up smoking, thus saving my life! Now, upon coming back to civilisation, I am horrified to see that smoking is being banned in all public places! If only people knew how to always be smoking a pipe is such a good safety precaution. Like I say, it’s better to be safe than sorry – take up smoking!

"Sometimes when I see how the world has changed so much with modern technology to when I was a young man, I sometimes long for my secure little bog and just hanging out with the crew there in it, playing our own little version of Monopoly and Cluedo and Charades, and enjoying that darkness and wetness and the way those natural muds really helped improve our skin…. Sometimes now I wish those fur seal researchers had never found us, but I really did enjoy the pancakes they gave us!"