The separation (saying goodbye)
The imminent departure may produce tension, anxiety and quarrels. It is a time when loved ones begin to detach themselves emotionally from the person leaving, This behaviour is not unusual, but is a symptom of 'preparatory grief', similar to that felt when someone close to you is dying.
For partners at home, the first few days after departure can sometimes feel 'like a honeymoon in reverse' a feeling of freedom and relief that the departure day has finally come and gone. However, the realisation that your separation will be for several months will soon occur, and sadness, anger, anxiety and loneliness will follow. The symptoms of grief are very real and should be thought of as being natural, normal responses to the stress brought about by the separation. It is healthy to share your feeling with others.
Care for yourself, and your well-being. Allow yourself time to be upset and to readjust. If you have children around you, talk to them about how you feel and allow them to express their feelings. Together you will care for each other. Your needs are different, but you are missing the same person.
Care for yourself
Following separation it is common for partners to feel alone and empty. Losing your partner or 'soul-mate' for several months is difficult, but try not to dwell on your negative thoughts for too long. An overdose of negativity will serve no worthwhile purpose. Look for the positives in your life. Being alone, being 'independent' can be a very positive thing. Try to make it enjoyable and productive. Choose to do something that you have been wanting to do for some time, but never had the time to do. Write a list of what you can achieve during this time. Join a fitness club, undertake a hobby, commence study, travel, involve yourself in life.
If you find after some time that this all seems too hard, it may be time to seek some support. Your own extended family would be the obvious place to seek such help, but these days it is not always possible to have this support. There are other support groups throughout the general community, and the Division's EFLO can provide information on support networks.
